Just a Chapter

Maybe not like every other but we are here so we might as well live and enjoy it.

Photo by Tirza van Dijk on Unsplash

They said your twenties would be the best years of your life. But nobody mentioned they’d be the most confusing.

Heck! Nobody even told you you’d wake up on a random Tuesday and question everything… Your degree (if you have or are pursuing one). Your friendships—whether you are in the right circle or not. Your dreams—do they make any sense or they are just that, DREAMS?! Your faith and your timeline… because everyone seems to be moving. Everyone but you.

I created a strong (or not) presence online and disappeared. Not dramatically. Not intentionally. It just happened. At first I thought I was just taking a break from social media… a little pause. I didn’t know I was going to get very comfortable being away. Being unseen.

Silence felt safer. No accountability. No expectations. No one asked questions. It became easier. No pressure to prove something is happening. But I wasn’t silent. I was hiding.

I had gone for my mandatory one year service (National Youth Service Corps) and the idea was to be away for three (3) weeks and resume afterwards but weeks turned into months and months going to almost a year now.

I have struggled to write and every time I did, I felt inadequate. I told myself that I can never be as good as I was. So I went into hiding because it seemed easier.

Hiding from the fear that maybe I peaked too early. I was hiding from the possibility that I might have to start all over again and publicly too which can be quite humbling.

But maybe, just maybe that’s the lesson I have learned—it is not always about how loud you are but how bravely you can return even when the applause has faded and all you have is just silence.

Maybe growth isn’t always about what we see but one’s ability to walk through fear and ego to find a version of yourself that exists without an audience. Because, who are you really without your audience?

I had to remind myself that I am not irrelevant because I went quiet. It’s a season and everyone has those. So, I may or may not be back but I just thought someone might need this.

Until next time,

Insight.